Virtues

Virtues are things I never really learned about as a child. Sure I knew I was supposed to be kind. I knew I should tell the truth. But things like meekness, humility, constancy, consistency, moderation, simplicity, obedience, thrift, and order are areas where I have a tremendous amount of growth to do. I really admire those families who have these virtues without having a faith to base them on. I have a lot to learn from those people. And although these virtues do not come naturally for me, I'm thankful that I have a Faith and a Church that can help me to grow in them and teach my children the beauty of a virtuous life.

"Those who exalt themselves will be humbled; those who humble themselves will be exalted." That was my favorite scripture when I first started college. Before then I didn't know what humility was or that it was even a virtue to be sought! Pretty sad. Right now I'm working on constancy. I tend to be very wishy-washy in my decisions. I dwell on them for days, I make a decision, I change my mind, then I always wonder "what if" I had chosen otherwise. Thankfully I have a pretty constant husband!

In seeking Christian maturity I know I need to discern big and small decisions alike, but I also need to be constant. I need to be confident and think on the present, not wondering and imagining the results that might have happened if I made another choice. I find myself agonizing on simple decisions like what to eat, bigger decisions like where I will spend my weekend, and really important decisions like where our family will live. But if I'm living in Christ's grace, open to the Holy Spirit's promptings, and trusting in God the Father, then I should not be worrying about little decisions. He cares for the birds and the fish, how much more he cares for me and will lead me in all I do!

Several of those other virtues are really important for me right now...thrift in managing our families finances, order and simplicity in our home, consistency in disciplining children, moderation in food...I could go on. Needless to say, I've got a lot of human virtues to work on! What are some virtues and ways to grow in them that you all have found?

Here are some pictures from this week: my sweet Ellie reading, the girls having fun and making a mess painting, and Mary Clare dressed as a princess. Lots of smiles :)

My Cups of Tea

Here are my sweet girls, one from before the first ballet class of the year and the other this afternoon when they'd invaded the tupperware cabinet. They were so cute giggling and putting the bowls on each other's heads!

Tomorrow morning I'm leading our mom's group on some chapters from Danielle Bean's book My Cup of Tea. In it she describes the daily antics of her 6(now 8) children and finding joy in it all. I think it will make a good topic of discussion for our first meeting of the year. We'll discuss the ways that we may lack our personal time for a "cup of tea", but we can be filled with joy through the simple actions, words, or gifts of our children which become our "cups of tea" overflowing!

Today was a really rough morning. Once again I attempted the Mommy Dance at Mass alone...bad idea. Even alone in the confined cryroom we had some of the worst behavior ever seen in Mass. I'll spare you all the details. But this afternoon over the span of a few minutes the girls both showed little "teacups" of generosity that made me smile. Mary Clare awoke from her nap whining for a drink. Slowly I went to get it as she wandered out of her room. Then I noticed Ellie with a huge grin on her face grabbing her own sippy cup off the floor and trying to hand it to her sister! So sweet. Then a few minutes later the girls were whining (Ellie's whining probably due to the ~5 teeth she's currently cutting), so I gave them each a popsicle. Ellie's was smaller so she finished it first and was smiling watching Mary Clare finish hers. Then Mary Clare handed hers to Ellie so she could have a bite. I was really touched!

Well, the week begins full-force tomorrow...walking groups, ballet class, mom's group, Steven's tests...better rest up! It's so hard not to bask in the quiet noises of the house and raindrops outside the window right now while enjoying my internet entertainment as I peruse blogs and listen to EWTN mass in the background. It's so hard to say goodnight!

Choose the Better Part!

What a day!
-Rental manager came to treat ants
-Plumber came to fix faucet
-MC got gum in her hair once again, had to cut strand of hair
-Legs came off one of the kitchen chairs
-Ellie colored all over herself in green marker
-MC "painted" her fingers and nails with green marker
-Ellie covers self in spaghetti
-Bathed girls due to aforementioned activities
-Called shoe company to continue report of damaged shoes (I get a new pair of Born clogs, yay!)
-Called carseat company to ask question about damaged carseat cover
-Still haven't put laundry away, decided to blog instead ;)

So I finally changed the title of my blog. The address is still the same, but I wanted to make the title a little more fitting for *my* blog, which Steven may occasionally post on. I'll probably change it fairly often. Or maybe I won't. But I also wanted to change the colors and make it a little more girly! Maybe one day I'll figure out how to add an image to the top.


As they continued their journey he entered a village where a woman whose name was Martha welcomed him. She had a sister named Mary (who) sat beside the Lord at his feet listening to him speak. Martha, burdened with much serving, came to him and said, "Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me by myself to do the serving? Tell her to help me." The Lord said to her in reply, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things. There is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part and it will not be taken from her." Luke 10:38-42

This Gospel has been coming up a lot lately and I think it's fitting for me right now. I think about how often I am caught up in activities like those listed above and fail to just sit quietly and listen to Christ. And I also need to just be present to my friends and family, not always thinking of what I'll say or what I'm doing next. Let's see if I can list just as many blessings and positive gifts from today:

-Christ reminds me to seek charity in all things during prayer time this morning--"Love and do what you please" St. Augustine
-He gives me a beautiful cool Texas morning
-Nice walk with group of mommies at the park
-Let the kids feed ducks, watch frogs, and play in the sand at the park
-Mary Clare enjoys LeapFrog computer game and has figured out how to find the first sound of a 3-letter word!
-She gets off the computer right away when I ask, saying "Okay Mommy!"
-My amazing Mentor friend comes for a visit
-Talk on the phone with my mom and best friend
-Ellie prays oh so sweetly with me at dinner
-Now I get to go meet hubby to drop off girls so I can go to a Bunko group, yay!

Oh, and since you're on the edge of your seats, the chicken tasted fine, and I made my first yummy roast yesterday :)

Here's a beautiful icon I found of Martha, Mary and Lazarus:



And I'm editing to add a picture for my profile, the other one isn't showing up for some reason:

Blessyou

MC: Takes her gum out, sneezes twice, puts it back in and says, "I have to take my gum out so I can blessyou!"
Me: "You mean sneeze?"
MC: "Yeah, I like to call it blessyou."
:-)

Had to cut her hair again after getting gum in it today :-/ Ellie is cutting about 5 teeth and has been fussy all day. The girls both have ant bites all over and I just realized ants are coming in our side door and the bites aren't from the park! :-/ I doused the nearby anthill with boiling water (advice from a Google search). Pretty fun. Our coffee table holds most of the contents of our pantry as MC plays grocery store and our crockpot is cooking some chicken breasts which may have been defrosting in the fridge a few too many days. Will we eat it? TBA...

Ellie can now say PaPa, baby, and Holly (my parent's dog). Mary Clare starts a little ballet class tomorrow at a teenage homeschoooler's house. Should be fun (and free)! Right now she's dancing around the living room with a wooden cross and singing "Agnus Dei, you take away the sins of all the world, Dona Nobis Pacem." Daddy is on his way home. The Mommy Dance for today is almost over, thanks be to God :-) Hope everyone has a wonderful week and tries to love with a passionately real reckless love!

Here are some pics of the girls from their friends' birthday party at the park last night...playing in the sandbox and Ellie's first moonwalk! One thing I love is how everyone here adds a second part to the Happy Birthday song, "We're glad God made you, we're glad God made you, we're glad God made ___, we're glad God made you!" So sweet!

Real Reckless Love

I have encountered a lot of tragedy and sorrow the last few months. Steven's good friend at work died in a work accident early this summer. Then our friends' two year-old daughter died suddenly in June. I visited my 91 year-old infirm grandmother last month. This week I've been reflecting on the death of Steve Irwin, the "Crocodile Hunter" and speaking several times with a dear friend who is miscarrying her baby. Yesterday I encountered a friend I hadn't seen in several months, a young mother with stage 4 breast cancer, and I also spoke with a friend whose teenage sister is very ill with kidney disease.

What is God's message to me here? I have never encountered such sadness and sorrow, illness and accidents in such a short time period. With my tendencies to fear over illness and other physical things I can't control, I know that God is teaching me to love and to trust. He is also helping me to have faith and hope in the life to come, that I may not live in fear of death.

But I've also tried to think about what each of these people have taught me in their lives. Whether it be the unborn baby I will never meet on this earth or my friend's precious little girl who we saw just a few weeks before her death, these souls were each created to return to God and draw us all closer to Him. I still remember a comment our friend Matt made at the wake of his daughter about how he loved her with a reckless love and he has no regrets about loving her so much. He also commented on how he will continue to love his baby boy and future children with that same kind of reckless love. This is a love which hurts, a love with no limits and no holding back. A love that isn't afraid to be passionate, to be ones self. A love that we can see so vividly in young children who have no inhibitions, no boundaries.




Steve Irwin and his love for animals, really his whole persona was an example of this. He was who he was. And many of us felt like we knew the real Steve Irwin because of this. I love this quote from him:
http://www.abc.net.au/news/newsitems/200609/s1732439.htm

"You know, there's this... they kind of cringe, you know, 'cause I'm coming out with 'Crikey' and 'Look at this beauty'.

"Just say what you're gonna say, mate. You know, is it a cultural cringe? Is it, they actually see a little bit of themselves when they see me, and they find that a little embarrassing?

"I'm fair dinkum, like kangaroos and Land Cruisers, winged keels and bloody flies! I think we've lost all that. I think we've all become very, sort of, money people."



I see this realness in my friend with cancer and as my other friend described in her terminally ill sister and even in my poor grandmother who can no longer do much of anything herself. For them the fear is gone and they are who they are. Death is real to them because it could be so close. But really it could be so close for us too. We might not wake up tomorrow morning or we might get hit by a freight train, or we might have to watch our own children suffer and die at a young age. It's terrifying. But it shouldn't be.

May Christ help me to be "fair dinkum" (real) and have a reckless love for Christ and a reckless love for my family, friends, and all those around me, and even for the earth and beautiful creatures God has made just for me. May we find hope and peace amidst the sorrows and fears of this life as we learn to seek the life that is to come. Thank you Father for each of these people who teach me to love life more and love you more, with a real reckless love.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEVEN!

We had a wonderful evening today, went out to a great restaurant and then came home to a German Chocolate Cake and ice cream :)

Love Ellie in that birthday picture...she wasn't so sure about the candles and singing! Steven helped the girls make a tent in their room earlier, so cute!



Well, maybe I'll be changing the blog name since he won't be participating much...ideas?

I've started reading the Gospels aloud after I read MC her nighttime books since it tends to calm her down. But tonight I was reading aloud about the woman anointing Christ's feet and all of a sudden MC starts making strange noises "p, p, eh, eh, c, c." I can't figure out what she's doing but keep reading. Finally she asks, "Mommy, what sound does H make?" She was holding a little board book and trying to read the word PRESCHOOL on the back of it! Wow. Thanks to my friend Kimberly who suggested the Leap Frog reading videos. She's starting to understand how to sound out words! I might have a reader before she's 4...

I went on a beautiful silent morning retreat yesterday and have been enjoying my mornings walking at the park with my mommy friends. I've also been thinking a lot about the death of Steve Irwin, the "Crocodile Hunter." I love "real" TV (when we actually watch TV at my parents', we have no TV at home), and prefer real life shows with real life people, like those on TLC and Discovery Health, but also shows like The Crocodile Hunter. Steven and I have spent many fun afternoons on the sofa at my parents watching Steve Irwin and his exciting adventures with animals. He was definitely a REAL person and we saw the real Steve when we watched him. Maybe that's why so many people are mourning his death. When a famous person dies, a movie or TV star, we usually don't know the "real" person. But with Steve Irwin we did. I'll reflect more on this the next few days, because I think he had a lot to teach us. But "Crikey" it's late, and I must start getting better sleep...

Happy Birthday again, to my sleeping hubby :)
I hope you have 30 and 30 more years of life, laughter, and love and look forward to sharing it with you!

Things to Consider

I considered not dignifying the ultimatum with a response however I felt that the silence would be unfair to the blog reader. I do not intend to write often enough to justify sharing naming rights though, so I am resigned to the fact of a name change.

On the topic of naming rights Blair maybe you should consider sponsorship like local stadiums, such as Blair’s Blog brought to you by Coca-Cola, or maybe Citi Bank’s Blog of Blair. Last I heard stadiums are pulling in 8 figure deals for such rights, maybe you should look into it.

As far as my life goes, with Genetics, Food Bacteriology, Nutrition, and Philosophy on my plate it will be difficult to take the time to write down my thoughts for thus said blog how ever I do share many of my random thoughts with you sweetie (Blair) so feel free to write about them if you feel so inclined.

I will however share one random thought I was having recently that was really bothering me. That is when people advertise plots of land and put the acreage to the thousandths of an acre, such as 11.931 acres for sale. Do you have any idea how little 1/1000 of an acre is? It is 39.94 square inches, slightly more than half a foot squared. I can see the conversation in the car.

Wife: Look honey isn’t that a beautiful lot and it is only $50,000, can we get it.

Husband: 50k is too much for 11.93 acres in this area.

Wife: It is not 11.93 acres it is 11.931 acres.

Husband: Oh, why didn’t you say that in the first place, that’s a great deal.

Signing off,

Steven

Today's Mommy Dance

By Blair

Sun is shining
I am pining
For a little bit more sleep

Kids in the bed
Kicking my head
Time to get up on my feet

Start my prayers
Tangly hairs
Children begging for some food

Slowly moving
We are grooving
Try to have a happy mood

Mixing pancakes
Pouring O.J.
Bacon grease is burning me

Bathe and shower
Water the flowers
Sunday clothes for all to see

Out the door
Remember more
Always something left inside

Get to Mass
Will they last?
Another chance to lose my pride

One is screaming
One is beaming
Sing Alleluia and Amen

Please no whining
Stop the climbing
Will we make it to the end?

Christ is here
Have no fear
He is in the midst of all

I receive him
Grace is within
Now I know I’ll never fall

Still I’m chasing
Guiding, racing
Mass ends and we made it through!

Children napping
I am clapping
Now I wonder what to do?

Pick up blocks
Fold some socks
Read a weblog, write a poem

Think on scripture
Look at pictures
Kids are up and Daddy’s home!

Alone time ends
The week begins
Still I’m glad I had the chance...

By wiping noses,
Tickling toeses,
...To serve God through this day’s Mommy Dance!


(This morning I attempted and survived Sunday Mass alone, instead of waiting until the evening Mass with Steven. I thought it deserved a write-up! The idea of the rhyme of this poem came from a children's book called "Snow Dance" by Lezlie Evans.)


Here are the "angels" today after dancing on the coffee table:

Sweet Tender Beauty

As a Catholic, I look to Mary as the Mother of Christ and honor her just as he did, obeying the Fourth Commandment to honor our father and mother. Tonight I was thinking on the motherhood of Mary and in particular about the time when they had lost Jesus during the Passover celebrations (Luke 2). She had lost her son for 3 days! And I recalled how there are many times when I feel like I've lost sight of Christ. But there he is, in the "Temple", waiting for me in prayer and in the Sacraments, particularly in the Eucharist.

I feel like Christ is calling me to get to know his mother better. Not to worship or adore her, but to honor her just as he did, recognizing that knowing more about her will help me to know Christ more, love him more, and serve him more. When I meet a friend who I respect, I want to know about her family. Knowing my friends' mothers also helps me to understand my friends better.

Christ calls us to perfection, and what better model of a perfect mother have I than Mary? She bore Christ in her womb, raised him, and watched him preach and suffer and die. She was the closest person on Earth to Christ and we have the faith that she is with him in Heaven and can pray for us here on Earth. I have so much to learn from her! I look forward to growing in a deeper knowlege of Mary in the coming months through prayer and in Familia this year where we will study Redemptoris Mater "Mother of the Redeemer", the encyclical letter of Pope John Paul II on the Blessed Virgin Mary in the life of the Pilgrim Church. I can't wait to start!

"He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was obedient to them; and his mother kept all these things in her heart." (Luke 2:51) He, the Lord, was obedient to Mary, who kept and pondered all these things in her heart, in humble acceptance of the Father's will. I pray that I can follow her example of humble obedience.

This image of Mary is almost identical to the one on Mary Clare's wall I was looking at earlier. The words Sweet Tender Beauty come to mind. May I get to know this beautiful woman better, this woman who is the Mother of the Redeemer and who always encourages us to "Do Whatever He tells you." (John 2:5b)

Tired Girlies

We had a busy week. We went walking EVERY morning this week! I'm really enjoying getting my heartrate up while visiting with some wonderful moms. Today my parents came for a visit and we did some mall shopping. The girls really enjoyed seeing their NeNe and PaPa...it had been a few weeks!

Ellie is really starting to make out sounds and words this week. She can finally say ball, apple, and duck. Today she was making a dirty diaper and was telling my mom "poopoo!" She also loves to babble on the phone.

We're exhausted today. Last night I decided to go to Super Wal-Mart at 9:00pm WITH Mary Clare. I don't know what I was thinking. I was going to try to leave at 8:30 and be home before 10. But we got home after 11! I am so slow in Wal-Mart. I need to do better ONLY staying on the food side. That would save me a lot of time! But I did also forget my list last night, so I have a little excuse. I got some more organic-type foods and healthy breakfast foods. We'll see how things go over the next few weeks as I try to implement healthier meals for our family. I'm also thinking of starting The Light Weigh program soon. We'll see if it works out. I've got a lot on my plate this fall, but this is something I've wanted to do for awhile.

So we had a late night, an early morning, and a busy afternoon with my parents. This week will include 2 trips to H-Town and several other big activities. We need to rest up! Mary Clare didn't fall asleep for her nap until close to 4 today...it's going to be a long night! Below is her picture; she fell asleep sitting in a chair with her head on her play kitchen! Too funny! She likes to put on a long skirt and a sweater and play "meeting"...like when I go to church meetings! Oh and she also snipped a strand of her hair this week so I had to give her a trim. It's been a crazy one!

Maybe I'll have some reflective inspirations later...

The heavens are telling the glory of God!

"O LORD, our Lord, how awesome is your name through all the earth! You have set your majesty above the heavens!... When I see your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and stars that you set in place-- What are humans that you are mindful of them, mere mortals that you care for them?"
Psalm 8: 2,4-5

What a beautiful evening God graced us with yesterday! I just had to get out my camera and capture the sky. Here are some pics of the girls biking in front of our duplex with the gorgeous sky and sunset:













"How precious to me are your designs, O God; how vast the sum of them!
Were I to count, they would outnumber the sands; to finish, I would need eternity."
Psalm 139: 17-18

Simplify

My message today (through spiritual guidance): simplify. How do I do that? I'm not so sure yet, but I'm sure the Lord in his great love will answer me. I know I need to simplify (aka declutter) our home. I know I need to simplify our meals adding more fresh fruits and veggies and simple meats, doing more baking rather than buying snack foods. I know I need to simplify my daily life by staying off the computer, having simple housework goals (today: fold laundry and do dishes), and enjoying ourselves at home more. I know I like to complicate things and keep my days full of outside activities, but like little Saint Therese I need to just take each minute as it comes and offer to God every little joy and sacrifice. Right now I need to go change a dirty diaper with love...may it convert a soul!


Sometimes I forget how something as simple as baking cookies can make for such a beautiful memory and joyful afternoon. Mary Clare and Ellie had so much fun using the cookie cutters, eating the cookie dough, and especially eating their final products! And I was SO happy to finally find a sugar cookie recipe that makes for soft, smooth cookies that aren't too sweet or sugary. Mary Clare was still thanking me today for letting them bake cookies. The simple things...

New Blog Name

This is my final ultimatum to Steven...he better come post something here or I'm going to have to think of a new name for my blog!!! It can't be called "Blair and Steven" if he only reads but never posts. So...dear hubby, you have until, let's say your birthday next week...yeah the one where you'll be OVER THE HILL...to join me in my addictive blogging or you're name will be off the title and banished to post conversations. You've got lots you can talk about: fishing, hunting, tractors, cattle, sports, family, Church...many choices!

I love you :)

P.S. Here's the cutie-pie with his biggest catch. Feel free to add some comments of encouragement to the blogophobe!

The Holy Rosary

(Edited to add a thanks to Amy for letting me know that we are actually encouraged to pray the Joyful on Saturdays...I was wrong on that one (4th paragraph below)!)

I try to pray a decade of the Rosary every day. It doesn't take long and is a beautiful way to meditate on the life of Christ and participate in an ancient tradition of the Church. I was excited when our late Pope John Paul II added a new set of mysteries to the Rosary, the Luminous Mysteries. Each of them helps me to know the Man of Christ better, remembering his Baptism, the Wedding at Cana, the Proclamation of the Kingdom, the Transfiguration, and the Institution of the Eucharist.

My favorite set of mysteries is the Joyful...the Annunciation, Visitation, Nativity, Presentation, and Finding in the Temple. The Visitation is the one I relate to the most as a mother and friend, as I meditate on Mary's visit to her cousin Elizabeth, where the Prophet and the Lord first met in the wombs of their mothers. The Sorrowful Mysteries help me to understand redemptive suffering and to know just how much my Lord loved me as he suffered and died for my sins.

But the Glorious Mysteries are the ones I have the hardest time with. The Resurrection, Ascention, Descent of the Spirit, Assumption of Mary, and Crowning of Mary. For me they are a harder meditation because, aside from meditating on Pentecost and recognizing my own need for the Holy Spirit's guidance, the other ones are just hard for me to relate to. They seem more theologically deep and deal with the body and Heaven, both of which are concepts I am still learning to grasp.

And so I mentioned to Steven that I don't like how the Church recommends we pray the Joyful on Mondays, the Luminous on Thursdays, the Sorrowful on Tuesdays and Fridays, but...the Glorious on Wednesdays, Saturdays AND Sundays. That's 3 days a week to meditate on my least favorite mysteries! Why not even it out and do the Joyful or Luminous on one of those days?

But my wise hubby reminded me that those are the ones I need to meditate on even more, since I have a hard time with them. Bingo! And so I'll make a concerted effort to ask Christ to help me understand these mysteries of our Faith better, especially as I meditate on our eternal home. Here is a website I find really helpful with pictures and verses for each mystery:
http://www.rosary-center.org/howto.htm

Oh, and my friend Veronica also mentioned last week a great idea to try for our families...to laminate images of each mystery and bind together to put on the wall so we can reflect throughout the day. Great idea!

A few pics...

Here are the girls on our walk to their grandparents' new house in the middle of a remodel. Notice the new (used) stroller I got for my walking group...love it!


Ellie loves to write. Here she is at Grampatti and Bop-Bop's house with a newspaper:


We read the other night about the Berenstain Bears' Messy Room. This is almost always how Mary Clare's floor looks. She has done this with books since before she could walk. If anyone has ideas at how to keep bedrooms clean, especially the bookshelf, please share!

I do remember

I've joined a morning walking group with some other area moms. We stroll the kids for about 3 miles, then let them play at the park. It's really hot, but a great workout and just what I need right now! I'm feeling much healthier after just a week of exercise and eating better recently. After the walking group today we visited the Adoration chapel nearby. It's always nice to make a visit to Our Lord with the girls, especially Mary Clare who is beginning to understand the things of God.

Tonight she said that "Jesus came down to be a child so he can come to you and pick you up and carry you close to his heart." (from a Christmas movie she has) Then she told me I was the best mommy in the whole world and gave me a big hug! She was excited to show everyone her new light-up tennis shoes today, and was happy to hear that Father David noticed them from the altar even though we were at the far back of the church! Ellie too made me smile when I told her it was bathtime and she ran to the bathroom crying "Ba, Ba!" They bring me such little joys and laughs each day!

It was a beautiful mass this evening. There were dozens of college students there to start the "Welcome Weekend" retreat for incoming freshmen. And there was wonderful music too. And of course I always feel so utterly blessed to have the priviledge of receiving Our Lord and Savior in such an intimate way, to strengthen me for the journey in his gift of the Eucharist. But the thing that hit me most at mass today was a reminder to count my blessings.

When I go to mass at St. Mary's alone with the girls, we sit in the cry room up on the balcony. At daily mass we're usually the only ones up there. But today there was a familiar face sitting on a balcony pew who turned around and waved and smiled, and all of a sudden I felt some tears down my cheeks. It was S, a young mother who I remembered was in my spot in the cry room about 10 years ago. She is a widow who tragically lost her husband just before I came to St. Mary's (I think it was a car accident or heart attack). And so now she raises her two preteen girls alone. When I came to St. Mary's I remember her at daily mass with her two little girls who were about my girls' ages, and they would sit up in the cry room. They were a sweet and somber little family. Last week, I believe it was on the Feast of the Assumption, this mother led a group of teenage girls to make a commitment to chastity. What a holy witness she is.

As I've said before, weekends are pretty hard for me when I'm at home. But just as I was just starting to feel my weekend-induced self-pity about being without my husband so much, God chose to remind me that there is always someone facing a heavier cross than I do. Tonight I tried to imagine the past 10 years S has had to go through without her husband, raising these two girls. Remembering S's situation, remembering our friends whose 2 year-old died in June, and remembering the visit to my aging grandmother a few days ago, I am starting to recognize the sorrows of the world, the sufferings of marriage and family and death, but also recognizing the redeeming love of Our Savior who makes good out of it all.

S came back into the cry room from her balcony spot during the sign of peace to greet me and remind me that she spent many a year back there. "I remember," I told her. I do remember.

Thank you Father, for the abundant blessings of my life. May I never again feel sorry for myself but realize that you are the God of all goodness and kindness, and even in the midst of sorrow and suffering, you are so close to your children and are doing great works through our pain. Please be ever apparent to those who have an especially heavy cross to carry. And may we be graced with the gift of hope, the hope that we will be reunited with all our loved ones to praise your name forever.

Thy Kingdom Come!

Trip to H-Town

MC was playing with her almost-5-yr-old cousin E yesterday. They were playing really well together for an hour or two. Then we started hearing them arguing and pronouncing the all-girl threats "Then I won't be your friend anymore!" Finally we realized they were arguing and crying over....A PURPLE RUBBER BAND!!! Steven put it away. Mary Clare was crying and whining, "but I never get to play with rubber bands very much!" Then E started saying the same thing. Finally sister-in-law (E's mom) found some other rubber bands and gave both MC and E their own rubber band and we all went home. Apparently they were using them as collars for their stuffed puppies. Who would've guessed that a little rubber band could cause that much turmoil!

Well, we also got to see other sis-in-law, the one who is nearing the halfway mark in her pregnancy with triplets! And we got to see the home my in-laws are almost done remodeling. A quick trip to the Galleria so we could visit hubby's favorite...the Mac store! And the girls fell asleep on the way home. Ahhh, sweet car silence! I'll post some recent pics later, but as for now, hubby has Ellie in the tub since she was covered head to toe in yogurt, and I must get cleaned up to run errands and go to daily mass :)

Hard question of the day

Today Steven took Mary Clare to the Livestock Auction. As they were walking through the back of the auction house looking at thousands of cattle, she asked him how cows make meat. He said they eat grass and turn it into meat. "Well, how do they make it?" she says and points to an empty stall asking if the mud on the ground was meat. "No," he said, "I'll tell you when you're older." She asks why. He says because it's bloody. Now on her 4th birthday, she'll probably ask us about meat again! Yikes!

Homeschooling Meme

I've been tagged by Lillian at Smithflections although I'm not an official homeschooler yet ;) Let's see if I can figure out enough answers to participate:

1. One homeschooling book you have enjoyed.
Catholic Education Homeward Bound by Kimberly Hahn and Mary Hasson, it was the first book I read about homeschooling

2. One resource you wouldn't be without.
Crayons! My oldest is only 3 1/2

3. One resource you wish you had never bought.
Markers, they don't keep the caps on them so they run out quickly. Plus Ellie likes to bite the tips off!

4. One resource you enjoyed last year.
DVDs. We have no TV, so now at least MC can watch educational movies from the library

5. One resource you will be using next year.
Possibly Five in a Row, when MC turns 4 in January

6. One resource you would like to buy.
I can never have enough kids' books!

7. One resource you wish existed.
I'm going to ditto Lillian that I'd like a private housekeeper and cook!!!

8. One homeschooling catalogue you enjoy reading.
Catholic Heritage Curricula

9. One homeschooling website you use regularly.
Blogs of homeschoolers...Lillian, Danielle Bean

10. Tag five other homeschoolers.
Hmmm, I don't know if any homeschoolers read this who haven't been tagged already. But if you are reading and you're a homeschooler or homeschooler-wanna-be, let's hear from you!

adding my pic so I can put in my profile:

Happy Birthday Nana!

Dear Nana,

Today is your 91st birthday. I wish I could spend these last years with you and that you wouldn't be spending them alone in a nursing home. And I know my mom wishes it too, and is sad that she won't be able to come see you today like I will. It's been a year since we've visited, so I hope you remember who I am and who my sweet little girls are. I wish they could get to know you better, but hopefully we'll make a few memories and take a few picures that they can have forever.

Your house was such a fun place as a child! I have great memories of building with blocks and Lincoln Logs, looking through old pictures, climbing the big tree in the backyard, and playing with the dollhouse in your sunroom. You made some interesting meals (which we rarely ate) but I loved scrounging through your fridge for ice cream and cake frosting. And I really thought that water spout on the inside of the fridge door was cool. Every picture in the house told a story, and we made many memories there too.

We visited the museums, the parks, and the mall. My cousins and I played games outside, and Pops would make us all laugh. I miss his laugh. I'm sure you do too. But the one place we'd always go everytime we visited you was to Mass. And we visited that little church gift shop you ran, but sadly I never had much interest in any of those items. But now those special rosaries and prayer books are some of my greatest treasures! I wish I could come help you in that gift shop and look at all those beautiful things. I wish we could go to that church and pray together. I wish we could go and see your dear husband's grave there at the military base where he honorably worked his whole life. But at least I get to give you a hug and show you my little growing girls, my precious treasures. And we'll be praying for you, hoping you will have some comfort and consolation from Christ in these final years as he prepares you for eternity with him and with Pops.

Nana, you are the one who has brought the Faith to my life. You married Pops before he became Catholic, and you raised your children in the Church. My other grandparents weren't Catholic either. And so my parents were married in the Church and I was baptized Catholic. The graces of the sacraments and probably your many rosaries somehow graced me with a desire to know the Lord and the Holy Catholic Church he founded. I am so blessed. So blessed because of you, Nana.

Thank you. And Happy Birthday! See you in a few hours.
Your devoted granddaughter,
Blair

Here are you and Pops with Mary Clare at 9wks old, what a special memory!

MC funnies

Mary Clare's "mommy" Barbie doll talking to her "child" little Barbie doll:
"How many times do I have to tell you to stop putting your finger in your nose?"

Mary Clare after me asking what her favorite thing was today:
"What do you think Father David's favorite thing was he did today? We should get together with him at his house or at the park sometime."
(I think she has crushes on priests and religious brothers!)

Strangers

Tonight while out to eat (again!) at a cafeteria, Mary Clare kept running around and wasn't obeying very well. So she didn't get any jello. As we were getting in the car I told her I was sad that she wasn't obeying and how I love her and want her to show how she loves me by doing what I ask. This topic came up at our couples' group after reading the verse "If you love me then you will keep my commandments."

I told her I don't like her running away from me because she could get lost. She said she wouldn't get lost. And I said, "but someone could take you away." "Who?" she asked. I didn't reply, wondering if she was old enough for the stranger talk. She was thinking hard and said, "You mean like Spiderman? What does Spiderman look like?"

I just chuckled. She's so innocent that I hate to have to tell her there is evil in the world. But I guess it's about time. Last week Steven was commenting on soldiers or something and said the word war. She asked what war is and he said he'd tell her when she got older. I'm sad that my little girls will have to learn about evil soon :( We already had to tell her about death when our friends' 2 year old daughter died in June :(

I wish that the only bad thing she would know of in her life would be Spiderman. I wish we were back in the Garden of Eden. I can't wait to put up a beautiful print of the Garden I got from Rome, when we get a house. If it weren't for that old Adam and Eve and the apple, my life as a mother would be so much easier!!!

Un-Super Size Me!

I've been motivated to really work on my eating and exercising habits recently after watching the documentary Super Size Me about a man who lives on 3 McDonald's Value Meals every day for a month and discusses the effects the fast food industry has had on Americans. I grew up on fast food, literally eating McDonald's hamburgers or Hartz fried chicken almost every night as a child as I went to dance class. My involvement in dance is probably the only thing that kept me pretty healthy!

Now that I'm a mom, I'm noticing how our eating habits greatly effects our family life. Just sitting down to eat lunch or dinner together can be so hard, but is so important. It's easy for me to just grab fast food. I'm trying harder to cook meals and keep a good supply of fresh fruits, vegetables, and meats on hand. I also made my first loaf of bread last week (picture below, it was delicious!). Steven cooks a lot which really helps, but it's still a constant struggle for me.

Then today I found a good transitional option for me! I had a mom's group this morning and knew I didn't have much in the house to make for lunch. So I went to Souper Salad, which has a to-go option where I got a box to fill with salad, fruit, and pasta and a bag for baked goods (baked potato, bread)...all for under $4!!! I thought that was a really good deal to feed me and the two girls, much cheaper and healthier than fast food. Not to mention the workout I got while trying to fill the to-go box, hold a wallet, push Ellie in a high chair, and chase Mary Clare who was pushing herself around the restaurant in another high chair! A little challenging, but worth the extra work.

My next goal is to figure out a way to exercise. I just learned of a mom's walking group nearby which could be a good option for me. I've also considered taking some dance classes, since that was the exercise method of choice for me during most of my early life, something I know I'd enjoy. I haven't decided if I'll put Mary Clare in dance again this fall either. We've got to tighten up as Steven finishes out his last semester of school. But I do think exercise needs to be a priority for me. I watched Joel Osteen of Lakewood Church on TV at my parents' this weekend and he talked about the importance of keeping our bodies healthy...doing our work so God can work His work in us. So I better go nap while I have the opportunity...those are rare!

Sister Sister

One of my favorite things right now is to watch the love and friendship develop between Mary Clare and Ellie. They really do have so much fun playing together and being silly! And they don't like being apart from each other. I grew up almost like an only child, having just one brother who is 6 years younger than me. So I don't know a sister relationship, except that of close friends. I look forward to watching them grow closer through the years.

Last night we had a couples' group at church. Mary Clare was playing with some friends downstairs (a fun family with 6 kids, 3 of them are triplets!), and Ellie was asleep in her stroller in the meeting. After it was over, Ellie was awake and my friend was talking to her saying, "You have so much fun playing with your sister, don't you?" Ellie ran to the door and started grunting, wanting to get out and play with Mary Clare! Then a little bit ago, Mary Clare left with Steven to go on some errands and to the Livestock Auction (his favorite place to go on Tuesdays). Ellie was beside herself. She really gets sad when her sister isn't around. Although she does talk (babble) a lot more without her sister gabbing away!

I am very thankful that God has blessed us with these two little girls. We hope to be blessed with many more children, but even if we weren't able to conceive again or welcome more children through adoption, I am so happy that the girls have each other! Last night at our couples' group we were talking about the anti-life mentality prevalent in the world today; a society which worships self and is concerned with gaining more material things and and "experiencing life to the fullest." But someone mentioned about how life isn't about the experiences we have (vacations, parties, outings), it's really about relationships. First of all a relationship with God our Father, Christ our Savior, and the Holy Spirit our Advocate. Secondly, these sacrificial relationships with our family and friends, and our self-giving in charity to our neighbor who we may not even know.

So on days when I'm really wanting to do something fun with the girls, get out of the house and "experience the world", I need to remember that their relationship with each other is what is going to last and what I should be spending time fostering. As someone wise has said (can't remember who), "The best gift you can give your child is another sibling."

Waiters

I bought Mary Clare some plastic kitchen stuff at a garage sale today (at the Jewish Synagogue...guess they don't do sales on Saturdays!). She was wanting me to play restaurant with her as I was getting myself some ice cream :)

MC: "Come on Mommy, you be the waitress and I'll be the waiter."
Me: "Well, who am I going to wait on?"
MC: "Me, mommy. You be the waitress and I'll be the waiter."
Me: "But who's going to eat?"
MC: "Me, I'm the waiter. I'm the one WAITING for you!"

Thankful

Yesterday I got together with a group of friends from high school. Tonight is our 10yr reunion, which several of us couldn't attend, so we had our own dinner the night before. It is so much fun to be back together with them; I feel like things have never changed and that I still know them so well. But it makes me sad that my close friendships with many of them are no longer what they were. Now they are merely a once or twice a year visit and a few emails here and there. Our lives are very different; I'm the only one with kids (besides one who is about to pop!) so I'm the only one with this kind of job, a stay-home-mommy. But still I have a rich history with these ladies that makes for many fun memories!

We took a bunch of pictures at the end of our party, which reminded me of all the fun times we had in high school and memories I have from the pictures (Sadly, I hardly remember anything I don't have a picture of). We weren't really party-ers or drinkers, but we found some silly, crazy things to keep us busy on weekend nights in high school!

Afterwards I was looking at the pictures of my high school friends and I on my digital camera and relishing that special evening together. Then it flipped to the pictures of my girls and their friends from the St. Clare party yesterday...Ellie with her first pigtails and first ice cream cone, Mary Clare dancing in the kiddie pool, and the kids painting a poster saying "St. Clare Pray for us!" I kind of chuckled at the stark difference between that evening with my high school friends and my normal life as a stay-home mommy. And I gave thanks, because I'm living the life I've always wanted. One of my friends commented about her sister marrying a friend she'd known since diapers and how sometimes dreams really do come true. So here I am in my dream world! Not that everything is how I envisioned it or that it isn't hard, but it's what I always dreamed of.

When I'm not at home I have a harder time being consistent with my daily prayers, particularly my morning reflection. But today, visiting with family, I just felt like it should be a day to give thanks for the beautiful, crazy, fun, exhausting, fulfilling life that God has blessed me with through my husband and daughters! We spent some time at a children's museum and later at the pool (where Mary Clare was swimming like a fish underwater!)...these are the things I really love to spend my days doing. I wish I could be doing them with those friends of my past...but maybe in a few years, we'll be having a summer pool party with all our kids...and hopefully we'll all be swimming and playing together for all eternity, in heaven one day!

St. Clare Day

The Poor Lady of Assisi, my dear daughter's patroness. Today will be the first time we celebrate her "name day" having a little party with our friends! We will also remember our dear little friend in heaven, Mary Clare, who passed away in June at age 2. May she, St. Clare, St. Elizabeth, and Our Blessed Mother always pray for my sweet daughters to stay very close to the heart of Christ! And may our other holy friend, Sr. Mary Clare of the Holy Spirit, be filled with joy on her special feast day. For all Poor Clare nuns, who sit before the presence of Christ in the Eucharist at all hours of the day and night in Adoration of Our Lord, that God might strengthen them and hear their prayers for the world.

I hope one day we can go back to Assisi, the town of St. Clare and her friend, spiritual father, and hero, St. Francis. And I hope we can follow their example of love, trust, simplicity, austerity, and faith.

Pray for us St. Clare!

Fun Summer Days

Steven is pretty much finished with class and has a few weeks off. It's been a fun few days. Last night we got to visit with a dear friend who just took his final vows as a Franciscan Friar of the Renewal (the CFRs). He's been a missionary in Honduras for a few years and will start in the seminary next fall. It was so much fun to hear his stories and see the true joy he exudes because of his love for Christ and the Church.

When he first arrived, the girls were a little scared of this man dressed in a grey robe with a long beard. But a few minutes later he was reading books and playing games with them! Mary Clare was climbing into his lap and trying to get his attention. It's amazing how children are drawn to holiness.

One thing that really encouraged me was how he described his novitiate year being the hardest year. He said there was so much quiet and reflection that God was really able to reveal things deep within him that he needed to work through. That's how I've been feeling for awhile now. Every day I recognize a new sin, a new tendency, a new habit and how it's affecting my life and my family life in a negative way. It tends to happen at night when it's quiet and I have time to think and reflect.

It's easy for me to get frustrated and discouraged with all these problems brought to light. But instead I should be thankful. This is God purifying me, making me more holy each day. He's making me a better wife and mother, and drawing me closer to him, to know him better. I didn't know this work at holiness would be so hard!

Anyway, today we went to a water park nearby. It was funny because Steven doesn't really like swimming but has been wanting to go to this water park. I almost stayed home with Ellie and even tried to change his mind on the way there, wondering if it'd really be worth the extra money and be better than the pool around the corner. But we had so much fun! Ellie played with her buckets (it's hilarious, real work for her where she doesn't crack a smile) and Mary Clare was sharing her diving rings with other children as Steven threw them all over the pool. I taught her and a little boy how to play Marco Polo, and we watched Ellie delight in the little frog slide (Mary Clare is a little paranoid about slides after a scare on her first swim of the summer). It was a really joyful day, and the back spasms I started with this morning have now gone away. I'm looking forward to a few weeks of fun with Daddy!

Below are some pictures with Brother, and from swimming today:

Why do I like Mr. Rogers?

Mr. Roger's Neighborhood was one of my favorite shows growing up. Now my little girl has started watching it, thanks to DVDs from the library. There are some annoying things about Mr. Roger's Neighborhood. I don't like that Fred Rogers is the voice for so many of the puppets in the Neighborhood of Make Believe, especially Henrietta Pussycat! Her voice is definitely the most annoying, "Meow Meow, yes. Meow Meow, thank you," *cringe*.

But watching Mr. Rogers the past few days, I've realized why he's so appealing...He's slow, he's quiet, he's gentle. The kid shows today are all on fast-forward, from Barney to Blue's Clues, to Dora the Explorer. Everything is fast, everything is loud, nothing is slow or quiet or gentle.

All the moms and dads I really admire have that quality of gentleness. They are "slow to anger, rich in kindness." They are quiet when they discipline their children, even quiet when they talk to me. And they aren't in a rush. Sometimes I feel like I never slow down, rarely take a moment to stop and smell the roses with the girls, especially if we are running late. But I'm trying harder. Trying to enjoy the birds and the little flowers and the bugs the girls notice as we're going somewhere or doing something important.

What I am realizing is that those moments are more important than making it into Mass or into my meeting 20 seconds later (though I should be early enough for 20 seconds not to make a difference!). What I am realizing is that the girls react to things the way I react, they treat each other the way I treat them, they use the same voice tones that Steven and I do.

And so I'm motivated by Mr. Rogers. In fact, I've been brought to tears watching some show clips on YouTube yesterday and watching him receive the Presidential Medal of Freedom and a Lifetime Achievement Award on the Emmys which were clips on the DVD. I hope I can learn to be slower, and meeker, and quieter, and gentler through God's grace. Did you know Mr. Rogers was an ordained Presbyterian minister? What a man!

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

I've always loved rainbows. My mom has even kept a drawing I made on the day I saw my first rainbow at about age 6. I think I did a presentation in school on rainbows too. When I was little, and still to this day, I could never pick a favorite color...I love them all, the whole rainbow! Something about seeing that rainbow in the sky just brings a big smile to my face and peace to my heart :)

One day in college I wore my favorite shirt at the time, a white polo with a rainbow collar, a rainbow ribbon in my hair, and my rainbow WWJD bracelet. Then someone told me it was Pride Week! I didn't hear the end of that one. Too bad the rainbow has become a symbol for something different these days...

Today I felt led to meditate on Genesis 9 and God's covenant with Noah, "I set my bow in the clouds to serve as a sign of the covenant between me and the earth." The world will never flood again! My fascination with rainbows should be a reminder to me that God has given me this promise. I have no need to worry. He cares for the birds of the air; how much more does he care for me!

Motherhood has definitely brought on a new level of worry in my life. I can no longer control things like I could when it was just me. Now there are 4 of us here (not to forget our little intercessor in Heaven, Agnes) to think about, 4 totally different lives. And I can't control every aspect of each of these lives. I have to trust that God in his infinite mercy and loving providence has a beautiful plan for my family. If I could only let go and follow it! Help me Father, to trust in You. I believe, help my unbelief. Grant me the gift of Hope!

"Where troubles melt like lemondrops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me!"

My tupperware cabinet

First of all, what is the appropriate name for Tupperware containers? Plastic food storage boxes? I dunno. But I was thinking tonight about how my tupperware cabinet sometimes feels like my life.

In my tupperware cabinet, I have a few leftover real tupperware that we got as wedding gifts. Mostly it's full of old food containers like sour cream bins. I've also got some pots in there, some plastic mixing bowls, two strainers, a steamer, a few plastic pitchers, a bundt pan, and some large plastic cups and bottles. It's the biggest cabinet in my kitchen so that's where all the junk goes.

What I find so funny is just how disorganized it is. I literally throw items in there and shut the door just fast enough to prevent something from falling over on the floor. The girls like to get into it and I often find the old food containers (my current "tupperware") around the house. It's really a total junk mess, as my mom would put it.

A few times a year I organize it only to find it back in shambles a few days later. It's not unlike many other things in my house, the pantry, the closets, the junk drawer. But somehow this cabinet might just be the worst of them, one that almost has no hope of recovery because of the diversity of items it holds. I mean how can you stack a bundt pan, a sour cream container, and a stainless steel sauce pan and expect them to stand?

This feels like my life right now. I'm trying to balance my spiritual life with my housekeeping flaws, my fears with my hopes and dreams, and my jellybeans with my caesar salad. Then I just slam the door shut and hope that one of those things doesn't fall by the wayside! And it doesn't through the grace of God.

I think my life will always be a broken mess of Megablocks and phone bills, of Saint icons and restaurant kid cups, of dog food and homeschooling books. Nothing seems to fit together quite right. But somehow Christ is able to make a useable tupperware cabinet with me...all my faults and failings, my weaknesses and fears. I try to tidy things up but it doesn't keep for long. Nevertheless, he knows that the steamer still works okay even though it has a broken leg. He also knows that a little bit of broccoli always gets stuck in the holes. I kind of like that steamer with its broken leg and bits of broccoli, just like my Heavenly Father loves me with all my quirks and all my failings...in fact, that's what's appealing about me. I just wish I had a brand new steamer sometimes.

Lonely weekends...

Steven works out of town on weekends :( About once a month we go "home" to visit family on the weekend. But on weekends like this I try my hardest to keep busy and keep from feeling sad and lonely.

This morning we went to the library to get the girls' awards for summer reading. I picked up one of my first homeschool books to read, The Successful Homeschool Family Handbook by Dr Raymond and Dorothy Moore. It was recommended by a homeschooling mom of 7 who I really admire and know from the NFP Message Board. I look forward to starting my homeschool research!

Next weekend, we'll be visiting family and are planning a St. Clare party for her feast day on Friday. I'm looking forward to that. Since I don't have anything meaningful to say today, I'll leave you with some pictures of the girls from the past few weeks, including one for Lillian (we used your July 4th cake idea! Thanks!):

My little author :)

I've written several "first posts" only to change my mind. Why is blogging such a big decision for me? I love to write and love to reflect. But I do spend way too much time on the internet. I think my biggest issue is how to figure out WHAT to write about! My family, my faith, my day to day life...for some reason that's overwhelming for me.

I think I'll try to stick with one topic at a time, whatever is most pertinent to me right then and not try to overanalyze my blog writing, like I tend to do with most things in life. And maybe finally I'll be bold enough to comment on other's blogs as a real blogger, not an anonymous nobody...

So my blog for tonight: My daughter's first book! I used to teach Kindergarten and 1st grade before my stay-at-home mommy days began. I just started rereading a book from college I really like called (trying to link, we'll see if this works, I'm new to all this!) The Boy Who Would Be a Helicopter by Vivian Gussin Paley. It's a beautiful reflection on a preschool teacher whose classroom was based upon storytelling. The children were able to dictate stories to her each day and she relates life experiences to the fantasy stories they create. It's a fun book!

Tonight my husband and baby were asleep but I knew that my older daughter (3.5yrs) wouldn't be going down quite yet. The DVD player on our computer keeps freezing up, so she couldn't watch the Mr. Rogers DVD from the library. So I asked if she wanted to "do homeschool". She got very excited and we did some simple workbooks, which she loves, and we wrote some words together (she's very interested in letter sounds right now). Then I asked if she'd like to write a story, thinking of how much I love the idea of story dictation with young children. I wrote it while she told it, then typed it up on the computer like a real book and she'll get to illustrate. It was a lot of fun!

Here's her first book:
"The Mother of the King"
Once upon a time there was a young girl and a fox.
He went on a walk and he found a bird in a meadow.
The bird walked and she ate a beautiful, yummy flower.
And the fox found a frog in a cradle with a mother.
The mother carried the frog.
The mother frog found a bunny.
The bunny found an egg, and she goes to sleep.

We've been reading fairy tales today, and the workbooks sitting out had all those animals pictured. I'll let you know how the illustrations turn out and how the next story goes! She says this is for the little girl whose 1yr birthday invite we just got today. And she wants to make one for our new priest! My little author :)