You discover treasures

1st row: Eating a popsicle and doing schoolwork in the hotel bed, she loves chewing on apples, my favorite "Customer with Child Parking," selfie of Katie and Ellie, and Thomas swinging Katie at Teddy Bear Park
2nd row: Ellie and MK reciting "America for Me" at the picnic, sweet godsisters, Tommy and his rocket picture, me teaching in the hotel room, and Ellie on the elliptical in the hotel after we all freaked out when she disappeared in the workout room for 15 minutes
3rd row: Katie loves pizza crusts, back home doing a puzzle by the front door, Katie trying bananas and avocados, my new curtains made from bedsheets, and me on the phone with my MODG consultant while hiding in an upstairs closet with hunting gear
4th row: sweet sisters one morning, kids asleep in my bed, more sweet sisters, crazy school morning while T is begging me to print him ninja color pages (taken by MC), Katie awake late at night in her exersaucer...a typical night this week.
5th row: Ellie loving on baby first thing in the morning, an MC selfie, all pink in the exersaucer, Ellie's fortune at the Chinese restaurant "You discover treasures where others see nothing unusual." SO VERY ELLIE!, and MC with Katie checking out a fountain

I love all these special little moments with the kiddos.  I am truly blessed to be able to experience these snapshots of our life with little photos as memories.  I can't wait until Steven's schedule slows down so he can share some of these with us too.  Even when I'm weary, I know we are still making memories, living out the days in hope and prayer, and trying to smile in the midst of it!

We had to leave for another house showing today and I was worn out.  I pulled into one of our favorite restaurants to have a restful lunch where the kids could play in the game room a little bit.  Instead, it was closed down and we ended up at a Chinese buffet.  I had to stop the car so many times on the way there, and the way home, because the kids were misbehaving.  I was ready to throw in the towel.  But we walked into the restaurant, and I forced a smile on my face and tried to enjoy that little lunch with my five favorite kids.  I am one blessed lady.  Truly, they are each Blair's Blessings!

Ellie's fortune was so poignant, "You discover treasures where others see nothing unusual."  I think I could write a whole post about this.  She is always hunting for coins at any public location.  She hoards all kinds of crafts and whatnot around her room and in her purse.  But most of all, she finds joy in the little moments.  I had a special time with her at the hotel pool one night and she just talked and laughed and didn't stop smiling.  That's what I love about my Ellie...seeing the bright side of life! May we all see the silver lining of every situation and try to smile on those days when it's really hard.  Thanks be to God who puts others in our path to help us find and choose joy!

Ash Wednesday Blessings

141. Made it to and through mass with all 4 children. A first for me to do alone!
142. Steven crawling on the floor being a dump truck during mass, he's so cute it's sometimes hard to discipline him!
143. His "thankful" heart...I told him to pray to Jesus and tell him what he was thankful for. He folded his hands, put his head on the pew, and then popped back up saying, "Mommy, I prayed for JESUS! And I told him I want a new dump truck to play with!"
144. Gorgeous sunny weather after Mass
145. A nearly clean and de-cluttered schoolroom and girlroom
146. Mary Clare and detachment. The girls were supposed to clean their room and hang up their shirts. After several hours and several interruptions I just went to work myself. I've filled an entire garbage bag! Mary Clare thanked me and apologized for not doing a very good job. When Ellie was sobbing about things I threw away and the way I moved the furniture, Mary Clare just said, "I don't really care what she threw away. We probably don't play with it anyway. It's better I don't look in there and see what she threw away so I don't miss it." Growing up.
147. Ellie's sensitive soul. Oh she hates change! It hurts her to the core, but of course is a part of life that she must face.
148. Babbling baby in mass, all those around us were enamored.
149. Finding missing things under beds
150. Kids being faithful to Lenten observances, even though they're not required.

I think I'm going to try out my friend Elizabeth's sacrifice idea for Lent with children, choosing a different sacrifice for each day of the week. Here's how I'm tweaking it for our family:
Monday- No screen time
Tuesday- No treats- this includes fruit snacks, candy, cookies, etc.
Wednesday- Go to Daily Mass as a family
Thursday- Learn about a new Saint
Friday- Pray the Stations of the Cross, or at least a few
Saturday- Pray a Rosary
Sunday- Nothing- Sunday is always a day of celebration!

I'm going to refrain from buying desserts and drinks (aside from milk and water). I won't be stringent when we're away from home, but we'll plan to keep sweets and juices out of the house. I'd like to do better at praying with all the kids before bed. This has been hard because I'm usually putting all 4 to bed at 3 different times, and Steven is usually already asleep. The girls read books in bed, I nurse Thomas down at some point, and SJ's bedtime fluctuates depending on if he took a nap or not. So somehow I need to figure out a family prayer time before Daddy goes to sleep!

This is a random post, but my internet is working so I better take advantage! Yesterday was Cooper's funeral. It was so, so sad. Funerals for children are just really difficult. I have a hard time watching the mom and the siblings, thinking of myself and my own kids and how we would deal with that kind of grief. But it was a beautiful celebration of Cooper's life, and was healing to be together with so many people who loved him. I'm sure they are now facing a very hard road having to go back to normal life without their boy. Praying for them...

This coming Saturday would have been the 3rd birthday of my friend Bernie's little boy Luke, who passed away at 5 weeks old due to a severe heart defect (HLHS). She now lives out of state so a few of us are going to visit his grave on his birthday for a little celebration. I hope it's beautiful weather. Yesterday it was rainy and made the day even sadder.

You know, when I was little I didn't know anyone who died. Never a child or even an adult until I was a preteen and my grandmother passed away. My children have encountered loss from toddlerhood. I hope it makes them fear death less. I know they understand that we believe our loved ones are still part of our Heavenly family and can pray for us. My kids are constantly talking about my 2 little babies, miscarried when I was just a few weeks pregnant, Agnes and Augustine. Always asking questions about them and counting them as members of our family. I guess it's always good to face our mortality. None of us will live forever...

Like one of the phrases used when we are receiving ashes on Ash Wednesday, "Remember you are dust and to dust you shall return."

Construction Begins

Our neighborhood is going through a huge project which is taking several years to complete. They dig up half the street, lower it about 4 feet, dig out the ditches in our front yards, widen the street, and give us curbs. Our street will be one of the last ones completed.

Today some of the early stages of construction began in our front yard. They were digging up phone lines in each front yard. Excavators and workers were everywhere. It will still be many months before our street undergoes the big transformation, but today I got that sense that the journey is beginning.

I left my house twice this afternoon and both times had a kind man directing me with a whistle and flag on how to pull out of my own driveway. It was an odd feeling, having a stranger show me how to do something that I do every day. And the hole! It was probably 10-12 feet deep and was fascinating for the kids but gave me an uneasy feeling. I was thinking of all the workers who will be in our yard and around our house in the coming months.

But just as the work has to be done in our neighborhood to beautify our streets and hopefully lessen the drainage and flooding issues, so too does work need to be done in my own heart this Lent. Construction must begin.

Each Lent I feel like our family is undergoing some trial or some experience that in itself feels like my Lenten sacrifice. This year is no different. We’re undergoing some adjustments this month as Steven’s workload has multiplied exponentially and we are seeing him hardly at all. His hours have been long with every job, but “long” hours have never entailed working 7 days a week!

I’m also grieving the loss of my friend’s precious little boy. Tomorrow morning is the funeral. I decided to ask my parents to watch the 3 older kids while I attend with Thomas. It will be a tangible experience of grief for me to get through, which I know my heart needs. I’ve been following Sarah’s blogs about Cooper for several years after knowing her in high school and college. Talk about a roller coaster ride in dealing with a child’s health issues! What an amazing child and dedicated family to go through such difficult hardships with such great hope. They really are an inspiration and I look forward to honoring Cooper’s life tomorrow.

Aside from the daily challenges of work, family life, friends, grief, and homeschooling, there are the spiritual issues that my own heart faces each day. Learning to give my own will up to God, find joy in the sufferings, persevere in my vocation…it’s a daily struggle, really a lifetime struggle to love God and know him and serve him through this family he has given me.

Completing our First Holy Communion preparation with Mary Clare is going to be a beautiful part of this Lenten season. So much of what we’re learning together is the basis for what my own spiritual life should be about…loving God and neighbor, being obedient, asking for forgiveness often, and desiring that gift that Christ so graciously gives us in the Eucharist, Himself. Oh how I can’t wait to watch her experience that sweet first taste of Heaven in the very flesh of Jesus!

My own flesh is so, so weak. Every day a battle rages between my will and his. In the beautiful allegorical chapter book we’re reading together, The King of the Golden City, the author uses a character called “Self” to represent our own will that we fight against. When we give in a little, in maybe something that doesn’t really matter, it becomes easier and easier to say yes to “Self” in the bigger things.

The main character, a little girl called Dilecta, is awaiting the visits of the Prince, just as we await Christ’s coming to us in the Eucharist. I pray that Mary Clare and I, and really our whole family, can practice saying NO to Self this Lent so that our souls will be cleaned and ready to receive Our Lord in a deeper way this Easter.

The construction also happens as Christ digs up and tears away things in my life that I think I need for my happiness. Little children and workers are going to be running all over. There will be popcorn kernels on the carpet, a wet bed, a leaking sink, missing shoes, a husband rarely seen during daylight hours, and a dug-up front yard. How I choose to accept these “gifts” of love from him is what shows who I really am.

Do I love him for the good that he gives me, or do I love him for the challenges too, the things that make me cling to him? Does the chaos bring about frustration or does it draw me closer to Christ who gives me all these little blessings and little opportunities to say YES to him? Can I serve my family with a happy heart? Can I be content amidst the construction and chaos knowing that beauty and Easter are around the corner?

Construction begins. Whether I like it or not. Thanks for following my journey.

119. an amazing book, Unplanned, that really spoke to me, and a dear friend who lent it to me
120. friends who serve God by being a voice for the unborn
121. this “victory” for life that allows us all to see God’s hand working slowly through the 40 Days and Stand & Pray ministries
122. the life of a little boy who never did anything great, but love and suffer, but who showed us all how to do that with grace and hope and dignity
123. a little homework sacrifice done for this dying boy
124. grandparents who put up with the chaos
125. neighbors of grandparents who are making it through, even after the loss of their son in December
126. friends and family who offer prayers and encouragement in hard times
127. the chance to rely on Him alone for my daily needs
128. Holy Mass in the cryroom with some beautiful triplet girls and a brand new adopted baby girl
129. children who miss me while I’m gone
130. picking up brother’s bead mess without being asked
131. vacuuming not done by me
132. the knowledge that my home will be cleaned on Thursday
133. Walmart with 2 sleeping boys
134. double doozies at Cookie Company
135. receiving thanks from friends for some very little thing
136. the grace to say NO to one activity, and the acceptance by the child who so wanted to participate
137. friends who reached out to a suffering soul in great need
138. First Communion dresses
139. silly brother in dressing room, no rhyme or reason to his antics
140. “I pooped on the floor but I put it in the trash can!” Oh, the laughs that boy brings us!

Thank you God for all these gifts, and for the work you are always doing in my soul.

Thankful Thursday

Starting with some phone photos, remembering gifts of the past week...

111. Creative ways of eating an ice cream cone


112. Dressed by his sisters in the sailor suit, so genuinely happy to help me make some Annie's Mac N Cheese.


113. Little man can sit up in high chair with the family. Today we let him try smashed bananas! Oh those first looks when they taste food for the first time! 5 months old!


114. This rock-climbing is always a reminder to me, to keep climbing. Like Mary Clare here, we're all cheered on by family, friends and strangers...we will reach that bell at the top if we keep climbing!


115. Water-watching


116. Bun-making


117. Love note with pressure washer on the driveway


118. My talented little fisherman, wants to be just like his daddy!



Page 170 of One Thousand Gifts: "Instead of filling with expectations, the joy-filled expect nothing--and are filled. This breath! This oak tree! This daisy! This work! This sky! These people! This place! This day! Surprise!"

I am working on this. I'm not doing so well this week. I am feeling overwhelmed and tired. Little things are getting to me. Fruit flies and staph and rotting apple in carpet, wet pants, messy rooms, cracked fingers, sick family and friends, dying boy, sassy children, fussy babies, broken drain plug, and a mosquito in my bathrobe. That mosquito made me cry! My body is not my own, nearly 9 years of nursing and babies...this mama has her tired and whiny days.

But each of those things I listed above should also go in my gratitude journal. Because that's the challenge. That's the surprise! Let's add them...

119. Fruit flies surprise me on my mirror, engulf the kitchen garbage. Oh how they love my home and our fresh fruit!
120. Staph reminds me of sin that can spread and overtake us. Thankful dermatologist says "mild" and thankful for bleach baths and antibiotic ointment. Thankful to know that my body is of this world and reminds me of my earthly limitations.
121. rotting apple which I'm so glad I found yesterday, thankful for fruit this season
122. wet pants, I think there were about 8-10 pairs of pants worn today, and not just on the potty training child! They were all enjoying the outdoors after the rain and had a few dinner-time drink spills!
123. messy rooms filled with children who play and love and laugh and learn
124. cracked fingers, a minor sacrifice I can offer for others, thankful for meds and gloves
125. sick family and friends who must rely on God in times of need
126. dying boy who reminds us all to treasure every second! I am still moved thinking about one of his mom's posts about bringing him home that ended with, "Whatever he needs, we will make it happen and we will love every single second of it."
127. sassy children who are independent and can think on their own, they are leaders and are learning (slowly) that they are not the boss
128. fussy baby who is teething and loves his mother and his nursing so much! I am so loved!
129. broken drain plug keeps us from bathing for too long! prevents anyone from drowning in the tub ;)
130. mosquito in bathrobe made me jump and scream and woke Daddy up to help with the baby while I dressed for bed!

That's more like it. Find the good in the things that eat at you. Lifts your heart a little. Now time for bed so I won't be that slow moving mom once again. Tomorrow is a park day, yay!

This week's blessings

86. Fresh-baked sugar cookies made by the kids
87. Messes from cookie-making
88. Fattest, chubby baby legs
89. Sweet friends who came over to play
90. Cold water bottles (which I'll drink around 5 a day if they're cold from the fridge!)
91. A beautiful love story on a beautiful blog, all about Christ
92. Flower Fairy CD, music from heaven
93. Suzuki piano CD
94. Little girl doing releves to the music (picture that last E in releve with an accent, I can't figure it out on my Mac computer with Windows keyboard!)
95. Another little girl planning a service club to donate all proceeds
96. A headache that happens these days when my body says it is too tired. Sleep must come...

2 days later...
97. bobby pins from ballet buns
98. empty wine glass from a hard worker's wind-down
99. big brother trying baseball cap on baby brother
100. 3yr old vacuuming
101. 8yr old starting schoolwork without being asked
102. the ability to have a slow start to my long days
103. phonics worksheets
104. big boy's boots
105. baby birthmark looks like a butterfly
106. yard full of plastic toys
107. a faithful mother so inspiring while living out her final days with her baby boy only 4yrs old
108. finding where the stench was coming from (decaying apple core next to my bed!)
109. more nice days to play in the backyard, with no shoes, in February!
110. rotisserie chickens that I don't have to cook :)

Must upload photos soon...

Conversation with Steven Joseph

Tonight I read some books and prayed with the children before sending the girls to their room and taking the boys lie down with them in bed (lie/lay and bring/take are two grammatical issues I have, so please excuse those). I was nursing Thomas and Steven Joseph was rolling around the bed, telling me he loved me, stroking my hair, and just being a sweet little guy. Here was some of our conversation...

Mommy, I pray for you!
Thank you honey.
And I pray for Thomas!
That's very sweet.
I pray for me!?!
Yes, you can pray for yourself too. That you would love Jesus and be a good boy.
I'm a good boy, Mommy? (he had just scratched his sister really hard while finishing prayers)
Yes, sweetie, you're a good boy, even when you make bad choices you are still a good boy.
I'm a good boy! I'm a big boy!
This moves into a confusing discussion on how he thinks that he's going to die because he's a "big boy." I try to explain this, but am not doing so well at helping him understand that most of us live until old age :)

Jesus is broken!
What?
Jesus in your tummy and my tummy. How him get in two tummies?
Well, Jesus is in everyone's heart. He comes to live in our souls when we're baptized.
He comes in your belly button?
No, honey. He lives in our spirits. He lives in all of us.
Like magic?
Yes, like magic.
God makes a hole right here for Jesus to come in? (points to his toe)
Steven Joseph, let's talk about this in the morning. Time to go to sleep...

Today's blessings:
80. Incense rising up to God with our prayers
81. Toddler who slept through nearly the entire mass, allowing us to sit at the front and really enter in today
82. Delicious lunch with friends and our pastor
83. Buttery pancakes made by the kids
84. Laughs from beautiful and silly conversations with the kids
85. Laughs from funny videos MC did on the iPhone (cooties vs. charisma?!?)

Grateful

61. Sun-kissed cheeks from a day at the park
62. Fishing slime out of the pond with sticks
63. Throwing rocks in the pond, "Look at the circles!"
64. Dancing and drawing
65. Outdoor play all week
66. Book club with friends
67. Cinnamon rolls and OJ in bed
68. Baby enthralled with bathwater
69. Those last few long hairs on baby's head, light fuzz spikes coming in
70. Cold water bottles
71. Naps with my baby
72. Working internet and printer
73. Reading beautiful blog posts
(my perfectionism is very frustrated to need to stop at 73, I wanted to do 10s!)

I'm starting to see a shift in attitude and outlook in myself from the beautiful book. I was reading last night about the blessings of things like toys and papers strewn everywhere and apple cores sitting around. I realize that the things that sometimes annoy me most could really bring me much gratitude.

74. After buying a new ream of printer paper, I'm finding paper everywhere: children who enjoy drawing and writing.
75. Fruit flies everywhere: we have enough food to eat, and fresh fruit for them to enjoy!
76. My cracking, bleeding fingers: I am blessed with children to care for, a sweet baby with diapers to change, dishes to use, and gloves and medication to soothe.
77. A messy backyard: My children have a safe place to play outdoors. They can bring their toys and dolls and have picnics in the grass and a store with cash register in the play fort.
78. A sore neck: I have a baby who is thriving on mama's milk and I'm blessed to be able to carry him around, sometimes on my chest or my back with the Beco carrier.
79. Shoes, shoes, and shoes!!! We have shoes. Many people in the world don't. We have places to go in our shoes, people to see, God's world to explore!

See the shift? I'm learning. Slowly. Thank you, Ann, for showing me the way.

Cosleeping and God

Last night I was awake for a few hours in the middle of the night. I came back and snuggled into my warm bed with my sweet chubby infant.

He immediately sensed that Mommy was near and, eyes closed, started to search for something to eat. His hunger was soon gratified, he nursed and a few minutes later was back to sound sleeping.

I thought about how this is like our relationship with God. Sometimes we feel alone in the night, sleeping in bed, and are hungering for someone to fill our spiritual or temporal needs.

Our God is so loving, just like a nursing mother next to her infant in the night. We only need to move towards him, and he will know our needs. We may not even open our eyes. We may not even have to loudly cry out to him, but our God is there to fill us with his love and his grace.

~~~
More blessings, I'm thankful this Thursday for:
31. Big Thomas (aka BopBop) here to help
32. Listening to lessons of saints and mercy being taught to my girls before I am even out of bed
33. "I love yous" from toddlers
34. Sweet kisses from big girls
35. Baby babbles
36. Good crusty ciabatta bread
37. Oreo cookies
38. Kind friends and family always thinking of others first
39. Warm home and warm clothes on cold days
40. Sunshine

Blessings today

21. A birthday gift forgotten until today, a sweet note and 4 shiny quarters

22. A toddler boy who followed suit and found some coins of his own to give to Mommy, so sweetly.

23. Balding baby boys in stripes, grabbing at plastic ring toys


24. A new journal to chronicle my blessings,


25. And a fridge full from a kind friend who knows how difficult grocery outings are for me


26. Kids swinging in backyard sunshine

27. Daughter singing Latin chants, reading her prayers


28. New free reading program, smoothing out that area where I needed help

29. Reading books on couch with all 4 kids snuggled close

30. Another birthday celebration to end the day, with a cake baked by a sweet friend and decorated by my sweet kiddos

Sunday's Blessings

documented on iPhone...

11. A puffed pancake just right
12. Noisy boy at Mass asking about saints in glorious stained glass

13. Same sweet boy balancing on belly on kneeler saying "don't fall off the boat!!!"
14. Children chasing and playing on downtown sidewalk after Mass

15. Friends and family and food and football


16. Quiet bodies with eyes glued to "Tom and Jerry"

17. A singing boy

18. Hands grabbing my face with slobber kisses
19. A smiling moon in the sky tonight
20. A working washing machine in my laundry room, awaiting hook-up before his rough work begins!