Monday, August 18, 2014

My tiny cross

We all have our little crosses, some bigger than others, but they're our crosses that God asks us to carry for a time, or sometimes for life.  Often what is a small cross in the grand scheme seems to be so much heavier when you're in the midst of it.  We've carried some large crosses over these past 13 years of marriage.  We've faced serious illness, unemployment, financial stress, seven moves, a child undergo open heart surgery, and five c-sections along with some complicated pregnancies.  There has been serious illness in our extended family as well.  Today someone asked if we'd like to turn back the clock 10 years, and I said NO, I'd rather not go through those things again, thankyouverymuch!

So now we don't have any life threatening illnesses or major crises in our life, but the little crosses can seem awfully daunting!  I spent the summer in a countdown to our move in mid-September, and then just recently the countdown was paused.  The unknown is so hard!  To have my husband gone for days at a time every week, and to be here at home with all five children and no break is hard!  Preparing for a new year of homeschooling is hard!  Managing the physical and emotional logistics of a family of seven is hard!  And I think it's okay for me to acknowledge that.  In fact, I need to acknowledge that it isn't so easy.  It has been a hard summer.  I'm emotionally nearing my limit, and the hour-by-hour changes in our short and long term plans is mentally taxing.  Steven is pretty much doing two full-time jobs in two different cities right now, which won't last forever, but right now is difficult, and planning a move in the midst of it is everything but easy.  It's a challenging season right now.

But...we are getting closer to making decisions on our moving timeline, and I am prepping for a new school year to start a week from today!  We are all craving routine, and it will be so good to get back into one.  Figuring out the details of online lesson plans, organizing textbooks and the schoolroom, and learning how to work the online class program will be my goals over the next few days.  Happily I'll get to have a little break from all of that this weekend for our mini vacation and I can't wait!  We'll probably be coming back to pack up a lot of our house and get it ready for showing just as we start back to homeschooling, so the craziness is about to begin.  I've said it before and I'll say it again, this summer has been hard, but when the chaos starts in a few days I might be missing these slow and lazy days.

Life is about to pick back up again and I hope I'm ready.  It's time for some changes and some fun around this house.  No more moping, no more crying, we have a new year to look forward to, a little vacation to enjoy, and a new house in the works!  This tiny cross has felt heavy, but I know it will lighten as the days go by.  I hope God's grace will sustain us in the coming months of chaos and changes and I hope I can be grateful for each step along the way.


Mary said...

We are on similar journeys this year (especially parenting on our own during the week and waiting for future home). Will keep you in my prayers! It's not easy! I hope you get the green light soon!

Amelia Bentrup said...

Blair, I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciated this post. I've been struggling with a lot of crosses lately and I can relate to so much of what you wrote...about feeling done and spent and all that. Anyway...this was a great post...and one to which I could really relate.

Unknown said...

I think it's fantastic that you acknowledge that! Because only than can we pray for you and those close can offer help. And you can look to Him and say, "yes, this is a lot - send rest."

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