Friday, August 14, 2009

The Cries

I sit in the quiet darkness in the late night hours. These are my hours. My time to reflect. My time to read. My time to blog and read blogs. My time to snack. My time to be nothing to anyone else.

Until the cries.

They escalate from the bedroom. Whines, then cries, then "MA.....MA.....MA....." I assure him that I'm coming. Mama's coming, baby. Mama's here. We nestle in close together. I snuggle his sweet body. I smell his soft head. I kiss his chubby cheeks. Stroke his spiky, tousled hair. The crickets chirp. He nurses and all is well.

On a usual night he finally settles. Rolls over and goes back to sleep. But tonight it doesn't satisfy. Tonight he rolls and fusses and can't find his place. He rolls onto the mattress on the floor where his sleeping sisters lie. Their arms and legs are intermingled, leg on neck, face in foot...and there is no room for the baby. Back to mama, he whines and cries. Finally we walk around the house in the dark.

We walk and rock. I put on his favorite song, "Jellyman Kelly." And slowly he drifts back to sleep. We walk some more. And then I lay him back on that soft bed in the moonlight. And I look up at those hand painted doves on the wall. Ready to fly out the window.

Sometimes I wish I could be those doves, and fly far away from the troubles of this life. To fly and be free and sail with the wind. But not now. Now is the flight school. Now I am teaching the little birds to fly. They have a long while before they'll leave the nest. At this point they rarely leave my bed. My side. I feed them their worms and I help them spread their wings a little. But not much. Not yet.

I wonder if I'm keeping them too close. Day after day we are together. Morning, noon, and night they are my companions. And sometimes my little birds rustle my feathers. My little birds tweet so loudly. My little birdies beg for worms. My little birdies need their feathers cleaned. Mama bird is tired.

But not too tired. Not too tired to nurse through the night. Not too tired to chase during the day. Not too tired to teach. To guide. To love. Mama has a lot to give these little ones before they leave the nest. She needs them close now. She needs them to know that mama is here.

Mama will always be here. And one day, a long way off, I will watch the last little bird take flight. And I will want so bad to have those little baby birdies by my side. I'll want to hear those loud tweets. I'll want to feed those worms and clean those feathers.

But most of all, I'll want to hear those sweet cries for mama in the night. Those cries that give me purpose.

Those sweet cries give me life.


Beverly said...

Lovely!!! What a beautiful reflection, Blair! You continue to amaze with your talented writing. I will turn to these words on the times when this momma bird grows weary of taking care of the nest.
God bless you!

candyspirit said...

How nice to read your reflections, tonight after our car was just broken in to an hour ago - the police, the reports, my purse stolen, the car window broken, the car belonging to our son far away in the Persian Gulf, my gazing at the car with the Navy sticker on it not far from the shattered glass all over the front seat, - we are a little shaken up but finding your words tonight seems to be just what we needed to calm us. Thank you for the reflections.

Love, Mom & Dad

Sean & Bobbie said...

Very pretty, Blair! Thank you. :)

B-Mama said...

What a beautiful post, Blair! I am reminded to love these years as a mama bird with chicks close by in the nest. These are not easy days, for sure, but beyond purposeful. Thank you.

Melissa D. said...

lovely as always! Isn't wonderful to be a mama bird . . . and to occasionally find few moments to yourself to read inspiring blogs like yours. Thanks blair.

ViolinMama said...

Blair, thanks for making me gorgeous. Happy tears of understanding, cause I so get you...

Thank you for sharing your reflection. I needed it!

Lerin said...

Me, too. *sniffle*

AJ said...

What an amazing reflection Blair! And so so true...thank you for sharing :-)

Kimberly said...

AWESOME..truly awesome.

mommypoppins said...

Wow, Blair. What an amazing post. You are such a talent. I really think that thhis writing was inspired by God... it is amazing the sweet whispers and words he places in our hearts just at the right moment.
God Bless and Thank you for sharing.


Nora said...

You have been given such a gift. Thank you for sharing it.

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