Friday, July 20, 2007

Ultrasound Dreams and Changing Plans

The nightmares about my upcoming ultrasound have begun.

Now I will say that at least this wasn't a nightmare about the life or health of my baby. But it was a dream I had last night with a horribly mean female doctor and nurse (not sure where my male doctor was). She did the ultrasound for a few minutes and then said that was all. "What about all the measurements and looking at organs," I asked her. She said that they usually don't do that but she would anyway and then had a rough time with the little mouse trying to measure. She told me nothing. I was in tears, and then realized I hadn't even found out if it was a boy or girl! I literally was crying and jumping up and down like I was having a toddler tantrum!

I woke up fairly quickly with a knot in my stomach now wondering if this is a sign that I need to switch doctors. But I've also woken up to a rainy, cloudy morning with my girls still sleeping at 8:30 (NICE!), and hoping the rain will die down enough to make our regular Friday outing to noon Daily Mass, lunch, my parents', and possibly their pool (doubtful on that one!).


Nothing has quite gone as planned this week. Both Monday and Wednesday were supposed to start with meetings at my house. So I woke up to clean and prepare only to find out that we wouldn't have the meeting anyway. Tuesday was my big daylong planned trip to "Collegetown" which I thought would end with evening Confession and Mass. But that day ended up with driving home in the afternoon and preparing for the dinner with our Franciscan Friar friend! And yesterday was our planned pool outing with homeschool friends. We were all dressed in swimsuits, lathered in sunscreen, with lunch packed and bags ready to go. And then the thundering began. Then the rainstorm. So our friends came over here instead. But right before they arrived our power went out, only to return about 2 1/2 hrs later just after they rolled out of our driveway!

Oh, and I almost forgot how last Friday I was ready to leave for daily mass only to get a call from my OB's office that I had an infection which warranted antibiotics, which of course took over an hour to be ready for pickup. So much for the graces of the Eucharist! Hopefully this Friday I'll make it to receive them! And as I write about our week, I'll also note my hopes to visit the Adoration Chapel and attend Confession Saturday morning. We'll see if those plans come to fruition.

Flexibility is the name of the game with young children, so it doesn't affect me too much. Just makes me laugh when I look back at all my lofty plans! Kind of like when I think I know what God's will is asking of me, later to find my plan torn apart for a much more beautiful (yet usually challenging) plan God has laid for me. It can actually make things more enjoyable, sometimes, when things don't go as planned. But the hard part is when that involves some sort of Church group, Sacrament, or prayer commitment. It's hard for me to restructure those plans over and again. If I could just be more open to God's message through it...and remember that he is waiting for me at all times of the day and night...I must just take that step towards him for prayer...

"For what man knows God's counsel, or who can conceive what our LORD intends?
For the deliberations of mortals are timid, and unsure are our plans."
(Wisdom 9:13-14)


Em said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Blair said...

Oops, Emily...this was a dream last night, not a real occurrence! I guess I need to clarify more!

Em said...

Okay, Blair, will you PLEASE delete that post! I am a total dunce. Well, I had a two year old climbing on my lap and head and was skimming along.... but STILL. I am going to go hide under a blanket now.
Ha ha.
Well, if it comes true then know that you have my sincere sympathies!!!!!!!

Em said...

Hey, look, I deleted my own comment!!!! I didn't know I could delete comments on other people's blogs!!! Wow, that's a lot of power!

Blair said...

Cool to know that we can delete comments on other blogs; I didn't know that! And I did change the wording so it would be more obvious that it was a dream ;) Don't worry, I skim other blog entries too, I just didn't want anyone to think I was really crying and jumping up and down like a toddler having a tantrum!

Jill said...

The title itself scared me! But, reading on I luckily caught the dream thing.
Again, I am amazed at all you do and all of the trust you put in God! You are an inspiration.

Em said...

Ha ha ha.... I totally missed the part about the tantrum!!!!! You mean you wouldn't have done that if someone treated you so terribly?? I might have!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blair said...

Clarifying a little further by changing the title...I know many of us have had real-life "Nightmare Ultrasounds" where our babies are gone, so I don't want to diminish the pain that holds.

But as most readers know, this pregnancy has been full of anxiety for me after miscarrying just a few weeks beforehand. I still have a hard time believing that a living baby is inside of me. I hope that seeing the upcoming ultrasound and finding out the sex will allow me to actually bond with my child, please God!

Lillian said...

Dearest Blair, I'm so happy for you!! I hope some of your fears go away and that you can bond and enjoy this time. You and your little one are in my prayers!

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