Friday, November 01, 2013

Slowing Down

This weekend the baby will be 22 weeks along.  I can hardly believe we are in the twenties and just a couple weeks from viability.  That always seems like a huge milestone for me, even though I've never had a late-term loss or a preemie.  I'm feeling lots of movement throughout the day and I imagine in the next few weeks the kids will start to be able to feel some kicks from the outside!

As much as I've been blaming my lack of blogging on our computer issues, I've come to realize now that even though our computer is mostly functioning and I have added all the photos, I just don't have the energy to sit here and blog.  I also realized that the evening cramping and contractions I've had with the last couple pregnancies have all been during late nights sitting at the computer.  My body is just tired and my belly and baby need me to lie down and rest at night.

Hopefully I can still find some little spurts during the day to catch up with our Disney trip, the September birthdays, and other little events of the past two months.  But I think I'll go ahead and post about All Saints' Day and move forward and go back to catch up when I can.

The past couple weeks I've also felt a general lack of peace.  My body is tired, I'm worried about the baby, and I'm so very short and annoyed with the children's antics.  I can't stay on top of housework or cooking, but am trying so hard to keep them on top of their schoolwork.  I do well with cooking for a few days or a week, and then I have a day where I just can't do any more.  It's usually when we have lots of outings. 

Last night was the big saint party at church, and today it took all that was in me to get the kids dressed and ready for their Atrium classes and a soccer game.  I felt so horrible with an upset stomach that I just couldn't foresee how I would make it through the evening.  I nearly threw in the towel, but I knew I was being counted on to help in the Atrium and to get the girls to church for their "dress rehearsal" for the 4-H Food Challenge.  We made it there, about 20 minutes late, and after sitting on a rocker on the porch at church for awhile, I wearily walked into the Atrium wondering how I would be able to help wrangle a room full of preschoolers!

But amazingly within a few minutes I was feeling myself again!  Maybe it was the Christ-filled environment, or just walking around a bit and making myself useful, but I was so grateful that we were able to be there.  Steven Joseph made a beautiful drawing of a cross and hearts and worked so hard to write his name just perfectly.  Thomas was thrilled to get to choose the bells to put on their prayer altar, and then to spend time setting up their actual miniature altar and pray with a candle (he loves using the snuffer!).  He also worked hard to glue little cut-out parts of the altar onto construction paper, and Steven Joseph was brave to ask the teacher if he could be the one to ring the bells to signal clean-up time.  It really is a gift to spend those precious minutes in the Atrium with my boys.  They are so rambunctious and needy that I need that reminder of the sweetness in their hearts.

Tonight I was reading one of my favorite blogs "My Child, I Love You."  I think of all the blogs I read, some by moms of grown children, this mom of a similar age to me speaks the wisest words and has such a pure heart and innocent love of her children.  What I would give to just spend some hours at Lindsay's house watching her interactions with them.  I know I would be inspired.  Tonight she spoke about her children dressing in Narnia characters for Halloween, and these words of hers will stay with me...
"I made the decision in my head at the beginning of the day that nothing was going to bother me about anything.  I prayed to embrace their excitement, special desires for all the small things that were important to them, and mostly I was going to enjoy their smallness today and be fully present.  They commented at the end of the evening over and over that this was our best Halloween."

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